Post by Just A Fan on Aug 27, 2012 16:47:18 GMT -6
This is funny!!!!!!! ;D
As for the Bills themselves, they reflect the isolation of their hometown. It's as if the rest of the NFL moved into the 21st century without them. The Bills, as currently operated, are like a little mom-and-pop store just waiting to be bulldozed out of existence. You walk by that store every day and you think to yourself, "Christ, who goes in there?" I have a picture in my head of 80,000 old people crammed into Ralph Wilson Stadium, all trying to pay for their beers with a check. That's what the Bills feel like right now. They try to do modern things like pay $50 million to Mario Williams, and yet that move still feels like an old person trying to work the remote. The Bills need to stop openly handing out blowjobs to Toronto and either A.) move for good, or B.) get all the hobos living in Buffalo to pony up for new digs. In order to save the Bills, they must be destroyed forever.
2. 5CHAN! The shame of it all is that this is a talented roster, featuring the likes of Jairus Byrd, Fred Jackson, Super Mario, and lots of other good players. There are just three problems: 1.) All of these players will fall prey to injury before Week 8, because God hates Buffalo; 2.) Stevie Johnson, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Super Mario, and Mark Anderson all got paid, which means all of them will now have carte blanche to suck; 3.) Chan Gailey is still the coach.
The last five Bills head coaches read like an almanac of mediocre retread NFL head coaches: Wade Phillips, Gregggggg Williams, Mike Mularkey, Dick Jauron, and now Chan Gailey, the retreadingest retread of them all. This team has the roster and the soft schedule to go 10-6, and yet that's of little comfort to Bills fans, who must know deep down that they're screwed once Chan has to coach against REAL coaches in the playoffs. He'd be a much more effective coach if he didn't spend all his time online trolling people with pictures of gay ponies.
And now T-Jack is in town! Holy shit, Tarvaris Jackson is awful. The Bills are like the Salvation Army of terrible quarterbacks.
3. It's DEMETRESS Bell, not Demetrius. "It was (famed offensive line coach Howard) Mudd who insisted that his newly-signed left tackle, Demetress Bell, fix the spelling of his first name and change it from the incorrect Demetrius." OK, then. Glad we cleared that up. By the way, the Bills offensive tackles are lousy and Ryan Fitzpatrick is gonna die.
4. 1999. That's the last time the Bills went to the playoffs. HOLY SHIT. That's what happens when you have to overpay free agent talent just to come to your remote arctic geological surveillance outpost, settle for retread coaches because big names don't want to hang out with you, and hand $24 million in guarantees to Ryan Fitzpatrick. The Bills will never be able to recreate their early-'90s glory years because they CAN'T. Even if Bill Belichick and the ghost of Bill Walsh were placed in charge of this team, they would still be so thoroughly crippled by both their locale and their stadium situation that they'd be doomed to fail anyway. The Bills are horrible. And never forget:
deadspin.com/5937604/why-your-team-sucks-2012-buffalo-bills
As for the Bills themselves, they reflect the isolation of their hometown. It's as if the rest of the NFL moved into the 21st century without them. The Bills, as currently operated, are like a little mom-and-pop store just waiting to be bulldozed out of existence. You walk by that store every day and you think to yourself, "Christ, who goes in there?" I have a picture in my head of 80,000 old people crammed into Ralph Wilson Stadium, all trying to pay for their beers with a check. That's what the Bills feel like right now. They try to do modern things like pay $50 million to Mario Williams, and yet that move still feels like an old person trying to work the remote. The Bills need to stop openly handing out blowjobs to Toronto and either A.) move for good, or B.) get all the hobos living in Buffalo to pony up for new digs. In order to save the Bills, they must be destroyed forever.
2. 5CHAN! The shame of it all is that this is a talented roster, featuring the likes of Jairus Byrd, Fred Jackson, Super Mario, and lots of other good players. There are just three problems: 1.) All of these players will fall prey to injury before Week 8, because God hates Buffalo; 2.) Stevie Johnson, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Super Mario, and Mark Anderson all got paid, which means all of them will now have carte blanche to suck; 3.) Chan Gailey is still the coach.
The last five Bills head coaches read like an almanac of mediocre retread NFL head coaches: Wade Phillips, Gregggggg Williams, Mike Mularkey, Dick Jauron, and now Chan Gailey, the retreadingest retread of them all. This team has the roster and the soft schedule to go 10-6, and yet that's of little comfort to Bills fans, who must know deep down that they're screwed once Chan has to coach against REAL coaches in the playoffs. He'd be a much more effective coach if he didn't spend all his time online trolling people with pictures of gay ponies.
And now T-Jack is in town! Holy shit, Tarvaris Jackson is awful. The Bills are like the Salvation Army of terrible quarterbacks.
3. It's DEMETRESS Bell, not Demetrius. "It was (famed offensive line coach Howard) Mudd who insisted that his newly-signed left tackle, Demetress Bell, fix the spelling of his first name and change it from the incorrect Demetrius." OK, then. Glad we cleared that up. By the way, the Bills offensive tackles are lousy and Ryan Fitzpatrick is gonna die.
4. 1999. That's the last time the Bills went to the playoffs. HOLY SHIT. That's what happens when you have to overpay free agent talent just to come to your remote arctic geological surveillance outpost, settle for retread coaches because big names don't want to hang out with you, and hand $24 million in guarantees to Ryan Fitzpatrick. The Bills will never be able to recreate their early-'90s glory years because they CAN'T. Even if Bill Belichick and the ghost of Bill Walsh were placed in charge of this team, they would still be so thoroughly crippled by both their locale and their stadium situation that they'd be doomed to fail anyway. The Bills are horrible. And never forget:
deadspin.com/5937604/why-your-team-sucks-2012-buffalo-bills